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abandon hope, all ye who enter here


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Writer's Block: Troubled waters
lucy blood rain
leopardofbast
When something is troubling you, where do you usually turn? Do you feel like you have a solid network of emotional support? Do you communicate with your best friends in person or online?
Honestly I'm not very good at dealing with negative things in my life. I usually don't reach out until it's too late, or until I know I literally cannot handle it any longer on my own.

I do have my other half, but he's had a much easier life than I have, and he doesn't always understand the things I'm going through. He's never before had to deal firsthand with depression, self-mutilation, eating disorders, or any of the remaining plethora of issues I have. I don't want him to feel bad because of my issues, and he doesn't really know how to deal with them for the most part. It's ok, though, because I don't either.

I have my deities, but like all humans, I'm flawed and usually try to go it alone until I don't have a choice but to ask for help. I know that if I wanted and could make myself be open and frank about my issues, that I could easily have a solid support network, but because of who I am and who I allow myself to be, I cannot open up to do so.

I do tend to communicate better online. I have good friends who I see in person, and most of them come over several times a week to spend time together, but if I need to have a serious conversation, it has to be online. I can't handle serious emotional issues face-to-face.

Funny, it's actually why I started my LJ to begin with. It's anonymous, I don't have to put my name anywhere for others to see, and none of my friends know I have an account. It's my way of protecting them from the darkness without pushing them too far away. A way to fight the madness and crushing despair and confusion, without anyone I care about worrying or having any idea how bad it really is.

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I post here because I do not have to worry about anyone I care for reading my thoughts. I hate to have people worrying about me..

glad to know I'm not alone. Thank you for that.

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